Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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