if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
