im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
