i just had sex bonerless
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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