I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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