You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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