i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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