it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Randomize
