Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
