FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
