I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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