That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
