I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
