did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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