guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
