Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
