When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
