So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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