I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
