she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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