just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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