remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
