I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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