Dude my mom stole all your condoms
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
