I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
please come you make the beer taste better
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Randomize
