Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
