it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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