I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
