I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
my vag is so smooth its legendary
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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