who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Randomize
