I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
