i need an iv and a liver transplant
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
