Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
