ugly people sure do ruin things
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
