it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
