Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I woke up under a house in Key West
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
