my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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