Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
