A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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