So drunk its hurt
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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