Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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