Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
