I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
