i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
