I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
