remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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