so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
