You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
