I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
