So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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