Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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