That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
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