Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
40s are totally the cure
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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